...all this pain is an illusion...

—- William Blake

“The day I decided that Fass is an appropriate synonym for my first name”

…or…

“The man whose penis deserved an Oscar nomination as best supporting actor”

I was unsure on how to name this post, but then I realized that no one was going to actually read this text, so there.

He didn’t receive his Oscar nomination, we all know. What a shame (oh the pun I am so funny). But really, it’s a shame. I guess the Academy got themselves a little case of willy-envy (no-one to blame there), or they weren’t ready to give an award to an actor who spent 99% of screen time on his latest flick thinking about/plotting for/working at/having sex. Whatever.

Joking aside, the guy’s a really great actor. Not to mention hot. Very hot. Blindingly hot. Scruff, I love you. Lovely, lovely ginger scruff… ahem. I was saying. You haven’t seen Jane Eyre, yet? SHAME ON YOU (guh mother of the puns I am).  Go watch it. It’s worth every minute.

And ooooh, dear magnetic Erik how much we loved you.

(There’s no shame, Jimmy… he has that effect on everyone)

Last but not least, I can’t not mention HUNGER. Steve McQueen, people. That movie is GLORIOUS. Heart-wrenchingly, guttingly, horrifyingly glorious. Go watch that too. Now. Multiple times. Prepare the tissues.

Speaking of hungry… I wonder if this:

is the effect that meeting the Fass has on people…

Sure would work on me.

Well, I guess it’s all for today… Thank god Tuesday’s gone.

Off to dinner, then I’ll go watch Warrior. (Again)

I like my women as I like my food. That’s saying, plenty of.

Take a close look at that girl, up over there. Tell me one, ONE single flaw, I dare you (the husband doesn’t count). Look at those hips, those legs, those eyes, the nose, the lips, the cheekbones, the CURLS… those red curls, soft and velvety and curly and red… *droolage*

And that’s not even the main course. I mean, I guess 99% of the populations doesn’t even know how her face looks like (not with those). Well I do (mostly). And it looks gorgeous, yes. Gorgeous. LOOK AT THOSE.

I’m not even sure if I want to do her or just die and be reincarnated in something that looks like her. Maybe both.

Whoops, I don’t know how this pic happened. Sorry. Associations.

The suit makes the man.

A properly tailored, fitted and matched suit (can) make the man a million times more fuckable attractive than he could ever be in everyday clothes. Even when the starting material is already pretty much fuckable attractive on its own.

I am a scientist, I cannot give you a conclusion without proper evidence.

Therefore tonight, in lieu of a single hunk, I bring you the suits:

1. The Cumberbatch: with a physique like that, he could wear a sheet (mh… did he ever, I wonder?) and be fabulous even without the tie. Also, feet that long should be considered illegal.
2. The McAvoy: do you look like a 13 year old boy who likes to dress up as half a goat in your spare time? No problem. Striped suit, snug vest, and voilà, you can have my panties. Yours, no return policy.
3. The Baker: Simon Baker, a man whose smile alone could melt a thousand glaciers; put him in a Prada suit and coat ensemble, I would start to worry about global warming. He looks better in gray, though (known as “The Jane”).
4. The Caffrey: John Varvatos, a five buttons vest and a slim tie with a four in hand that could choke from a distance? Breathing is overrated anyway. 
5. The Moriarty: Westwood, bitches. ‘nuff said. Also, honey, you should see him in a crown… and hand-made shoes (as in, literally, made out of hands). Fabulous. De-li-cious.
6. The Fassbender: with a name like that and a suit like that, I bet there’s a lot more than fasses that you could bend at your will. Put some shoes on, so I can take them off with the rest of it, yes?
7. The Arthur: your name is Arthur, you wear brown like it’s the new black, you walk on the walls of corridors, you dream in a dream in a dream in a dream, I am not surprised you have this effect on people.  ♪ that body was made for suiting, and one of these days I’m gonna take all these suits off of you ♪
8. The Leto: you’re four feet tall but you can scream like a banshee; your target audience is 14-16 year old girls but you starred in movies that ruined people’s lives (yes, Requiem for a Dream, I’m talking about you); you wear Hugo Boss with a fedora. Walking contradiction. I like that.
9. The Bond: case dismissed.

Goodnigt, y’all.

Time for the hunk of the day post! Tonight, I bring to you Sam Worthington.

It’s not a secret that I have a huge soft spot for Aussie boys (Alex O’Loughlin, Simon Baker, The Jackman…), but this one takes n°1.

Ok, right, not the next Sean Connery, I AGREE. But.

• He’s hot.
• He rocks the lumberjack like it’s nobody’s business.
• He’s hot.
• The scruff, dear lord, the ginger scruff I’d rub my nose in it forever.
• He’s hot.
• YES, HE WORE COMBAT BOOTS WITH HIDEOUSLY ILL-FITTED PANTS AND A TWO-BUTTON VELVET JACKET AND HE HAD THE DECENCY TO STAND NEXT TO SIGOURNEY WEAVER IN THAT OUTFIT. You have to give him points for courage.
• He’s hot.
• He says “fuck” every other word in British press conferences and never apologized once for it.
• He’s hot.
• He starred in a movie next to Christian Bale and almost (ALMOST) stole the scene.
• He’s hot.
• The accent. “You’re faaaaaaimmooouuuuusss.” I’d listen to him for hours.
  
• He’s hideously hot.

Enjoy!

Class, let’s stop for a second to admire this rare specimen of American Homo Sapiens (H. Sapiens, class: Mammalia) otherwise known as Unbelievably Gorgeous Badass Motherfucker (UGBAMF, class: a fuckton). You might notice how incredibly well preserved he is for someone whose age is above the 4-0 mark; it is also remarkable how flawlessly he can change his appearance to match his surroundings (effect known as “From Prada to Camo”).

He produces indisputably alluring mating sounds, often in the form of amazing  songs by amazing people; in one rare instance, he has been spotted emitting the Billie Joel, and the only sound that followed was the one made by a million pairs of panties suddenly hitting the ground.

Now, if you can please pull your pants back on, we should move on to the next panel.

It is believed that his mythological naked form (see above) can disappear for weeks, once seen for a brief instant. No one has formulated a valid hypothesis of the reason behind such an inexplicable phenomenon, so far. There are reports of shell-shocked witnesses who claim to have seen some sort of female-shaped humanoid performing what was oddly described as a “perfectly executed side-tackle” on said naked form as soon as it appeared. (sure as hell I have nothing to do with it)

His most distinguished feature, his ass, which in particular conditions (see brief animated clip below) can be used as a safety mattress (or a head-cushion, unfortunately not available for display due to lack of visual evidence, again not my fault) is considered by all a national treasure.

The common name of the specimen is Jeremy Renner, and he is mostly underrated and/or unappreciated and/or relegated to play minor roles in badass movies.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY.